Dear Mama, Happy 60th Birthday..

In honor of my mom's birthday, this ode created by her first-born...

Hi Mom. I just wanted to say, um, Happy Birthday. And thank you ... for literally everything.

Like for that time back in '78 when you went to the hospital and it was really painful, but you hung in there, and then when you came home, you were holding me in your arms.

Have I ever mentioned that I am eternally grateful for the approximately 12 tons of food you have given me over the years?

And thank you for the nice DNA. I really am enjoying it and promise never to monkey around with cloning or tissue regeneration.

Oh and while I think of it, thanks for the name... i have a beautiful name, mama...

And may I please express my enduring gratitude for teaching me to be polite. I don't know what you did, but I get a huge kick out of being extra polite to people. Thank you, my dear mother, for this and so many other simple gifts.

Thank you also for the way you took care of everything.

My appreciation and love for you cannot be overstated, even under the intense pressures of satire. But most of all, thank you so much Mama for your joyful, tender, protective, fearless, empowering, unconditional and life-giving love.

I sincerely hope you have a great day and know that I love you.